Moving With Children
Moving with Children
Moving is a stressful time and moving with children and all your important concerns require a lot of thought and planning. It is important to keep in mind that whatever the reasons behind your move, it represents a major change for everyone in the family. Fatigue and uncertainty can eventually cause emotions to run high and tempers to run short. Prior preparation will help your entire family better handle the stress that moving can create. The A+ Team hope this information will be helpful to you on your next move.
Family Discussions
Talking with your children about the move in advance should be a top priority. Explaining to each child at his or her own level of understanding why you are moving is important, Discussing topics like what the new home will be like, and how each child can contribute to the success of the family’s relocation will help through the stressful time of moving.
Encourage your children to express whatever feelings they have on the subject is important. Accept their attitudes, even if they are negative, and discuss your own feelings. If you as a parent view the change as the fulfillment of some hope or ambition, the attitude you will transmit to those around you, especially your children, will be a happy one. You can meet the inconvenience of relocating with an optimistic outlook and a fresh start. Remembering there are many positive aspects of moving and highlighting them will make the transition easier as well. Research the new area you will be moving to and involve your children’s interests into community programs, activities, recreations and other benefits of your new community can help.
On the other hand, if the move is associated with disappointment or grief, your children may be unintentionally left to emotionally fend for themselves in a situation they may not fully understand. Acknowledge that both you and your children will probably have mixed feelings about leaving, no matter how nice your new situation may be in important. False expectations can lead to undue grief as you are settling in to your new location.
Above all, be honest. Truth will go a lot further than pretense or made-up stories in preparing children for the move. Remember that the strength of the family as a unit will contribute immeasurably to the readiness and confidence with which the children adapt to their new surroundings.
Experience Moving
If children have moved before, the current move will recall memories of feelings they experienced then. If the feelings were unpleasant, the child may exhibit signs of depression, withdrawn behavior or tantrums as the pending moving day nears. Watch for these signs, and when dealing with them remember that the child may not fully understand the reasons for his or her behavior. Having someone your children can confide in other than their parents may help alleviate some of this stress. An outside family member, friend, peer, counselor, can all help your children feel about the move your family is facing.
For children who have not moved before, this experience may be their first with giving up the known for the unknown. While they may seem to accept the move well, understand that their need for reassurance and security is high. When children face unknowns it is hard to know what they will think or expect and this may cause undue stress. Discussing your children’s thoughts and feelings is very important when you start to see your children withdrawn before your move.
Age Matters
Each child, because of differences in age and experiences, will view the move differently. An infant, of course, will be least affected. As long as your infant is comfortable and their normal routine isn’t disrupted too much, they won’t be a concerned.
Pre-school children can pose a real problem and concern. Their sense of identity relies on his or her parents, the family routine, and several objects that are special to them. When they see their favorite toys being packed and put away, a crib being dismantled, or mother rushing around with apparently little time to be with them; they start to worry. One of your child’s greatest fears may be that they will be left behind. Make sure their special stuffed animal or favorite toy doesn’t get packed away. Sitting down with your pre-school aged child and having them assist in packing their own belongings can help alleviate their stress about leaving their belongings behind.
The temptation may be great to send your preschooler to a babysitter during the move, but they will feel a lot better if you let them stay with you and help. Letting them pack and bring along some of their special possessions is very important in keeping their sense of identity and comfort. If possible do not discard any of their items before the move, no matter how old and tattered they are. An extra box of your children’s items may make the transition when you arrive at your new location easier and when your child sees many of their items in their new room it can help to strengthen their sense of identity in the new location. Still, some parents find their move goes more smoothly with the children occupied elsewhere and the A+ Team understands no one knows your children better than yourself.
Grade school-age children have a more highly-developed sense of self, since their world extends beyond the family circle. Their developing sense of discovery may make the idea of moving exciting to them. While they will be leaving friends, these will not be the deep, vital friendships of older children. The expressed concerns of a grade-schooler usually deal with how well they will fit into where they are going.
Timing
One of the unfortunate myths about relocation is that school age children should not be moved until summer. Many families have undergone considerable inconvenience just to avoid a school-year move. But a summertime move may cause more problems than it solves.
Since school is a primary source for making friends, a summertime move will place your child in unfamiliar surroundings at a time when his or her chances for making friends are at a minimum. When school opens in September, they will enter the first days as a stranger. The teacher, meanwhile, facing a new class, may not be able to identify their discomfort and need for special attention. Finding community activities and other informal ways for your children to find new friends can be very important especially during these times may be necessary.
A move during the school year, on the other hand, allows your child to go directly from one social setting into another. They are new on the scene, so their classmates – and more importantly, the teacher may have more ability to pay special attention to them. Speaking with the school counselor may also help your child and family for additional support in the move may be an added resource as well.
Classes in the elementary grades are especially flexible enough to allow school transfers with a minimum of academic problems. High school curricula are generally more structured, which might cause some transitional academic difficulties. These issues, however, would still be a problem in September in the case of a summertime move. The uncertain academic drawbacks of relocation during the school year should be weighed against the social problems a summer move is almost certain to cause.
Adults find that moving can sometimes be an emotional and stressful experience. And it is likely to be even more so for your children, who don’t have the maturity, independence nor understanding of a parent. The A+ Team have watched many families move and you may find one of our A+ moving specialists willing to assist you in ways you may not have thought of. Give us a chance to assist you and your family’s move would be our pleasure. We truly hope you found some of these tips helpful for your next move.